My Favorite Things & Clinic Update

So Oprah has her list of "Favorite Things" and as I walked up to Noah's school yesterday to have lunch with him like I do everyday, one of my favorite things hit me like a ton of feathery soft flowers. I looked down to see the sweetest little velvet-like hand perched delicately in my hand, as we took one small step after another on our way into the cafeteria. Suddenly, it dawned on me that there isn't much that I can put on my list of "Favorite Things" that can be bought. One foot in front of the other, I found myself rubbing the top of this little hand with my thumb out of habit like I do every single time I hold her hand in mine. The love I feel when I hold one of my kids hands (especially when they are smaller), is astounding.

The other day, I looked at a plate that Noah made Thong for Father's Day back when he had just turned 3 years old. I was amazed at how big his hand was. I took the plate over to Lourdes and had her put her hand on top of the painted piece where Noah's hand once imprinted and noted a full 1" difference between sizes. It is amazing to see how much of a difference there is in size between siblings at the same age. Anytime I hold Landen or Noah's hand, it's actually like holding a man's hand. I will tell them that too. Landen's hands are now officially bigger than mine and Noah's are almost as big. How are they getting so big so fast?! Thankfully, Lourdes is my slow grower and has kept that feeling of having a baby in the house a little longer than it felt with either one of my big boys.

Before you know it, we'll have another sweet little girl in our house to hold our hands and steal our hearts. :)

I went to MD Anderson and had my ultrasound done. Normally they don't have wait but this time they did. Once I was finally taken back into the ultrasound room and left there for another 30 minutes to sit on the barely-cushioned gurney in my gown that opened to the back, I realized how cold it was in there. The tech finally came in and introduced herself. She seemed pleasant enough but spoke not a word to me the entire time, unless it was to tell me to turn my head to the left, right or look straight up. After she was done, she told me that my results would be sent up to my doctor and he would go over them with me at my next appointment on March 3rd. The last ultrasound I had done (2 years ago), they told me they did not see anything abnormal so that I wouldn't wait in wonder between ultrasound day and appointment day. This time she didn't say that, and I didn't dare ask. As much as I wanted to know, I didn't. And I didn't want to hear her tell me that it's "policy" that they do not discuss the findings with the patient. So I just left.

As I walked down the long hallway, I saw Thong step out from one of the many waiting rooms. He told Lourdes "Here comes mommy!" She saw me and took off running as fast as she could toward me with her little arms stretched outright toward me. She hugged me as hard as she could when she reached me and said "Mommy did you go and get your baby out of your belly!?" Sweet little soul. She thought we were there to get the baby out of my belly. I told her no and she disappointedly said "So the baby is still in your tummy?" Yes, dear heart, the baby is still in my tummy.

Non-patients fall into one of two categories. They either are overly chatty and try to find out what kind of cancer everyone with a wristband has/had, or they deliberately try not to make eye contact with anyone for fear the patient will feel like they're being stared at. I encountered both. I also encountered children. The sunglasses were immediately lowered from the top of my head down onto my face. Thankfully, I was able to keep any tears from falling out of my eyes while I was in the building, but once the car was brough back around from Valet and I got inside and we pulled away, they freely flowed. The look of despairity among the children whose little bald heads walked the hallways or sat silently in their wheelchairs is so much more sad than I could ever accurately describe in any post. I saw both boys and girls with big blue surgical masks and latex gloves hanging on their little hands, too big to fit right, but doing the job of keeping germs away from their bodies. Not one of the little ones I saw yesterday was older than I'd say 8 years old. It's not a children's cancer center specifically, but it is the best cancer clinic in the world, so it's no surprise people take their children there for treatment.

Thong treated me to the best Mediterranean food EVER at a little restaurant about 5 minutes from the clinic. It's my favorite place to go and a must-stop location any time I go downtown. I was starving and got a little carried away with everything I was ordering. We left there having spent $68 and carrying 3 big plastic bags stuffed with food. Delicious food. I will eat it all in the next few days. Just you watch. It's THAT good. Plus, I'd feel awful to waste any of it, especially after he didn't even blink twice when we were given our total as he handed over his credit card.

Today is a beautifully cloudy day and right now it's 61 degrees. I am motivated to get this laundry done if it's the last thing I do today and don't worry, the socks WILL be folded right. :)

Headaches, Hormones and Hemmorhoids, OH MY!!

Okay, so thankfully, I'm not dealing with any of the above... TODAY. Been there, done that. But not today! I am, however, the recipient of some not so great lab work. Last Saturday, I drew my labs and while most came back great (most importantly, showing no cancer odds increase for my thyroid)... I had a CBC come back TNP (Test Not Performed) because it had clotted. I noticed that within 3-4 minutes, my SST (Serum Seperator Tube/Tiger Top) tubes had already clotted, when it should take around 20 minutes to fully clot. This concerned me. Well, when the results from THAT lab came back, they weren't able to do the CBC because it had clotted too. This is abnormal because there is an anti-coagulant added to the tube for the CBC specifically so that it does not clot.

I put in a call for my OB/GYN but have not heard back from him yet. His nurse called me to verify the details of my voicemail but I didn't get a call back as of this morning. (First call was 2 days ago). Thong says it's normal for blood to thicken in pregnancy and I've always been a "fast clotter" but never in 3-4 minutes!!! Although he is an amazing doctor, he's still the guy whose undies I wash and sometimes it's hard for me to differentiate between super smartie pants doctor and husband. I do trust his opinion, but typically like to get second opinions just to verify. Especially given that this could be pregnancy related. I wanted to check with my OB.

I decided to re-draw my CBC yesterday and it came back today. It didn't clot, thankfully!!!!!! (Could have been a lab error or maybe I didn't put enough blood in the original tube????) It did show that I am anemic though! Maybe this would help to explain my fatigue lately? Aside from the fact that I am building a human being one cell at time, this could be contributing!!!

Back onto the iron supplements. Oh joy. Who doesn't enjoy a bit of consitpation now and then? I certainly wave my hand in eager excitement!!! At least it's not vomiting though. I literally can deal with ANYTHING beside vomiting or nausea. That, to me, is the absolute worst thing IN THE WORLD that I have ever gone through. (And I've been through a lot!)

Today I have to go downtown to MD Anderson for my ultrasound on my thyroid; which I wrote about yesterday. I'm super nervous just because it's a draining experience to go through when I go down there. Thong took some time from work to drive me down there, THANKFULLY so that is one less thing for me to worry about!!! Walking into the building, though, brings the tears and feelings of life being all too real, into perspective. Every which way you look, you see someone lacking color in their skin, or a shade of cancer-grey... loss of hair, heads lowered in exhaustion and sadness as the poisonous chemotherapy drips into their vein one drop at at a time as they sit in their wheelchair wondering how they got there.

On the flip side, MD Anderson is a beautiful facility. Everywhere you look, there is a gorgeous fishtank with big, colorful tropical fish. Any table you sit at has a puzzle that has usually been partially put together and there are employees and volunteers everywhere you look who are willing to help.

This place brings about hope and despair all in one fell swoop. I am thankful we have such a state-of-the-art facility this close to home and I'm thankful I am able to get my post-cancer follow-up care performed here. I trust them.

I am hopeful that the pregnancy hormones don't mix with my usual emotions that overcome me as I maneuver my way throughout the massive complexes, going from one wing to another in my attempt to find the location I need to go for my ultrasound. (It's MASSIVE). The shuttles they run between inner corridor-linked buildings is a nice distraction from the otherwise long and tedious walk that goes on for miles (or so it feels).

I already find myself wearing my sunglasses every time I am in this building because I just can't typically fight the tears. Especially when I see a little kid who is obviously struck with cancer. You look at a child then glance up at their mom or dad who is trying their best to be brave but your eyes lock and they give the look of desperation to please help this child. Pray for them. Anything... You can't leave this building not being more thankful than when you entered, though, that's for sure. Whether you're more thankful for your own health or that of your family, you leave there closer to God and more appreciative of what you have. Those who have the "woe is me" attitude should go volunteer at a cancer clinic for a day. If they leave there still feeling like life is just horrible, they either have one heck of a bad situation they're battling that is true, or are hopelessly selfish.

Well, it's almost 9 and I have to go shower and get ready to go run some errands after having lunch with Noah, but before we leave for my appointment. I am happy to announce my new flat iron arrived yesterday and it is amazing!! It took me a few minutes to get used to how to use it to curl my hair but once I got it, I got it!! I'm looking forward to using it again today. It only took about 10 minutes to go from flat to awesome waves/curls in my locks!

Cleaning House

Yesterday I spent the majority of the day fighting fatigue and cleaning the house. I managed to get quite a bit done, but am a far cry from where I need to be. Hopefully by the end of the day today, I will be able to sit back and enjoy a fully clean house... at least the downstairs. Not sure if climbing the stairs is even an option today. LOL. Thankfully, all that's upstairs is the media room, game room and a bathroom, nothing too pressing!!

Have you ever had a really bad cold where you are both super congested, can't breathe through your nose at all, yet find yourself constantly wiping the snot that drips out of each nostril? That's how I feel about laundry. It seems to always be clean, but within hours, it's dripping out again from somewhere. I really do wish I could find someone who would come in and do my laundry... the RIGHT way so I could do the rest of my responsibilities. The problem comes with finding someone who will do it correctly. And yes, there is a right way to do laundry!

Let's start with hanging and folding. First of all, nothing should ever be hung or folded inside out. To me, this is common sense, but apparently not everyone feels the same. I know this because when I had the housekeepers coming regularly while I was sick, I asked them to do laundry one day. Not common sense apparently, as I still find things now and then that were hung inside out.

Second of all, if you are looking at the front of a shirt, the open part of the hanger (that goes on the rod) should open to the left. This, so that when you're flipping through the closet to find a shirt, all face the same direction and you don't have to look to the right then to the left to see what's printed on which shirt.

Next, let's look at the subject of SOCKS. Socks can be folded about a thousand different ways, but only my way is the right way. (kidding... kind of). They should be placed on top of each other, folded once in half then tucked inside of each other completely. The final result should look like a bullet that can be chucked across any room with precision. No loose ends, no partial fold over the top, etc.

I suppose my list of needs for laundry isn't too great, but I do admit to having insecurities about telling someone else how to do my laundry when I can't even seem to get it done myself. People probably see the baskets we're living out of and think that I must not care if they ball it up and shove it in the drawer. Au Contraire!!!! I think somewhere along the lines of my life, I've developed the mentality of do it right or don't do it at all. Unfortunately, I take the latter approach. I get my laundry clean and dry and manage to hang up anything that requires hanging straight from the dryer (so it avoids wrinkles with the hope people "outside" don't know about my inability to keep up with my laundry!) but things that require folding are a whole other ballgame. Towels are ok because they're big, bulky and make me feel like I'm making progress. Socks, underwear, undershirts, etc... yeah, that's my vice... and I'm not even so sure that it's a matter of folding, but the putting away that gets me!!! I think my family (except for Lourdes) is old enough to come in where the clothes have been folded and grab their pile (I also stack according to clothing type and owner so all they have to do is literally put it in their drawer. What usually ends up happening, though, is the neatly stacked multiple piles strategically placed all over my king-size bed wind up in the floor at the end of the day because nobody came to get them after I told them they were done. By the time I'm ready to go to bed, exhausted beyond clear vision, things get laid in the floor (stacked neatly) with the hope they will get them the next day... Without fail, someone will come in, in the middle of the night, stumble around, knocking over every last bit of clothes and it's again in a huge pile come morning time.

Clearly you can see my battle.

Now that I've wasted a ton of space talking about random laundry (what fun that was!), I'll move on to another subject. By the way, I type over 120 words per minute, so it doesn't take me but about 5 minutes to write out everything that comes into my mind. Don't think I waste my entire day doing blogging. I'm usually doing it while I'm on the... well, let's just say I multitask. (ROFL).

My boys have taken piano lessons for over a year now from the same teacher. She is from Brazil and owned a music store/shop over there. She is absolutely a lovely human being. So sweet, soft spoken (Like Michelle Duggar) and patient. Rounding the bend on to giving birth to a 4th child, I've come to realize that I need to find alternatives to things I've been doing that accomplish the same goal, while simplifying my own schedule and life. She has so many students, she has them come to her house, versus going to theirs. After much thought, I decided it would be best for me if I could find someone to come to my house so I could keep doing house-things, (whether that means cooking, neverending laundry, cleaning or just dealing with kids.). The current teacher has thousands of teeny, tiny breakable things all over her house. Primarily in the area of the piano and where we sit to wait while each child does their lessons. This makes me nervous!!! I have 3 kids in there and the smaller two want to touch EVERYTHING. Anyway, I've found someone (who is in her mid-late 60's and has played since first grade) to come to the house and teach the kids. She charges the same amount too as the lady we use now! (Bonus!!) Needless to say, I'm excited to embark on this new adventure which won't require me to even leave the house!

So tomorrow, I have to go to MD Anderson Cancer Clinic. I didn't have a thyroid ultrasound last year; the doctor said I could go two years between scans, so this is my first in 2 years. I am nervous!! Even though the blood work came back good, how can I help but be nervous?! Not to mention, the 3 hours it takes me to get there (yes, it should only take 45, but I always get lost because the freeways scare me, so I drive inside streets.) They don't ever schedule the scan on the same days as the appointment with the doctor, which totally stinks because that means TWO TRIPS down there within a week or two's time. Wish me luck!!

Well, it's about that time again. I have to go get ready to go to Noah's school to have my daily lunch with him. When we decided to put him into public school, I made the decision to go eat lunch with him everyday with the goal of avoiding any exposure to peanuts by other students. He loves it and so does Lourdes. It's nice to see him during his day and get to talk to him (plus he's still not embarrassed to hug on me in front of all his buddies).

Catching up...

I used to blog... it was therapeutic, enjoyable and relaxing, but I wasn't sure if anyone really wanted to read about the ins and outs of my daily, monotonous life. I stopped for years but after finding such joy in reading others' blogs, decided to pick it back up. I'm not sure what happened to my old blog; can't even remember the name of it in fact. Oh well. This one has been hanging around for a long time, but now it will be used. I'll do my best to keep it real while hopefully making it interesting. If you blog and I get as much joy out of reading yours, I hope to give you some joy in reading mine... and if you don't blog, you should think about it!

So to catch up on events to date, I'm pregnant with our fourth baby ~ Another girl!! This makes two girls and two boys. We are so excited and looking forward to welcoming our first summer baby at the end of June. Her name will be Madeleine Elizabeth, although she will have a Vietnamese name between the two. Her daddy still has to think of some names he likes then once I give it the final seal of approval, that will be her official name. We debated on keeping her name a secret until after she was born in case it brought about criticism, but were too excited to keep quiet about it. (Word of caution, don't criticize a pregnant woman about the name she's chosen for her child after it's been set...). She will be called Madeleine, not Maddie, Mad-Dog or any other typical "nickname" that comes along with the name.

The other kids are super excited about welcoming another baby to the family, although Lourdes took a while to accept her title of "big sister." She insisted that she would not be a big sister and would cry in protest (literally). We had to tell her she'd have a little sister but that she wouldn't be a "big" sister. Apparently she likes everything associated with her to be little. (Which seems fitting since she is pretty petite for her age.)

Landen and Noah are looking forward to having a new dynamic and spirit in this home, in spite of the fact that Noah was pretty disappointed on his new baby sister not being a baby brother. He's come to terms now with it and is excited. (Thank goodness, because there's not a whole lot I could do about it anyway at this point.)

For those who ask if this is "it" for us... well, if you would have asked me that question while I was in the throws of morning sickness, I'd have told you absolutely!! BUT, now that I'm done throwing up all day everyday, I can't imagine saying for sure this is it. It took me 12 months and fertility drugs to conceive this baby after a prior miscarriage, so she was definitely very much desired. I can't say right now that I'd go through all of that again (fertility drugs, taking temps, getting shots, monthly "follicle scans", the constant rise in hope and subsequent disappointment, etc.) but if it happened naturally out of God's will, I'd certainly welcome it. I stop and think that if I would have never had another child after things were rough with Landen, I wouldn't have Noah. If I would have stopped after Noah, I wouldn't have Lourdes... and if I would have stopped after her, I wouldn't have this little miracle hiccuping in my belly right now. I'm not one of those people who just feel like "this is the last one..." or "this one completes my family." I've never been a girl who said "I only want 2 kids and that's it." Even when I was little, I knew I wanted six kids. I don't know if I'll make that childhood goal, but it's certainly not out of the question if it's in God's plan for me.

Lately, I made the decision to go through my tens of thousands of pictures over the last few years and print out the good ones and put them in photo albums. As I cleaned my closet out the other day, I came across quite a few old photo albums that I used to be diligent about keeping up and it dawned on me that online photo storage is so not even close to being as special as prints that you can flip through. It will take me a while and I will print them as I get coupons from Sam's Club (who is the cheapest) or Shutterfly when they offer their promotions for free prints (pay for shipping still), but my goal for this year is to get a large portion of these memories printed and put in photo albums. Wish me luck!!